“Round the traps” with John


Our dog, Archie has been demanding the right of reply to my last editorial on bathing the dog. Perhaps that’s a slight exaggeration because he can’t really speak, but he has been hanging around and bothering me whenever I sit down at the keyboard.  I have to add that he does try to type but I’m not sure whether the problems you’re about to witness first hand are because he can’t spell, or whether his feet are just too big for the keyboard.

In any event, Good Luck!

Know itz my turn. Itz true I dohn’ like baths mush but itz the brushng I get furst that I reely hate.  I dohnt smell, but if I do I smel like a dog n that’s OK becoz I am a dog.  Tha best thng about a bath iz that I get a wark fist.

If the bosis companyun I also think ov her as me mum anyway if she takes me itz round the blok.  She doznt like me to stop to smel the trees and polls.  How els kin I tel if me frends hve been there b4 me.  Ive got me favrit trees n polls.  The the onez me frens have left signles on.  Sum say wellcum here n others say piss off this is mine.  Thas pzactly wot I wont ta do.  If ther not to bee seen I just I jist leave me signels any way.

I no most ov the uther dogs in the district even if ive never met em.  Thers a litle fresh podle that I lik.  Shees reely kute an I fink shee liks mee. Thairs a big blak labrodoor. I hevent met him but I no him becoz of tha siginals wot he leevs on the polls n treeze.  I kin tel heez oa K becoz I kin tel that from hiz signuls.  I dunno Y the bos or hiz compnyun don do it.  Jist a kwik P here n a sniff there n thayd no evry wun in the stret.

Wen the bos taks me 4 a wark I no strat awy becoz if wel go to the park. He just Xs the  strEt n we tak off down the hil.  I reely lik that becoz ther R mor treeze n polls to sniff.  The lidl fresh podle comes this way 2. I alwaz hop shell be at the park 2 becoz sheez kute. Sumtims thers anover dog haffig a wark wif itz bos. Wee alwaz stop to wag tales n sniff botems. Thatz how we no if weer frens aw knot. Itz veree rood if we don do thet. Hoomans don do it eiver. I fink ther veery rood.

Sum tyms I kin hav fun wif the boss.  I wate til thers a lot ov peeple woshing us. Then I skwat me bum on the n8tyour strip and leev a bit ov U no wot on the grass. Itz not as mush fun if therz no wun els ther.  He jist looks roun kwik an we keep warking, but wen thers a croud he taks a plastic bag fom hiz pokit n pix it up. Itz a lot hRd  4 him than it woz 4 mee. I dunno Y he duz it becoz wen we get to tha park he jist drops it a bin.  I all wayz jump a bit wen we get to tha park becoz I kno thet Isle git to meat sum frens.  He taks thet bludy harness of an letz me run.  Nour becoz im only a liddl dog Iv got shawt legs so I hev to run a bit 2 see ovr the grarse 2 fine eny frens. Sumtimz ther R so meny I carnt cownt em orl. I kin onlee cownt to fiv enyway,

Larst tim we were ther I sor thet liddl fresh podle did I tel U sheeze kute n she was torking tha blak labrodoor.  2 frens et the sam time but I got a liddl bit barky becoz she reely is kute n I don lik ovver dogs sniffin rown her. Wen she sor me she jumt a wa from him n ran upto mee.  We wer verry polite n wagged our tales to eech ovver n then we sniffed.  Ah I reely do lik her n sheez verry sniffy. It woz orl rit becz he wons to B frens 2. I luv goin to the park.

Wen tha bos iz tide of me havin fun he putz the horness bak on n we work bak hom.  I don mine mush becoz 2 mush fun in 1 day getz boreing.

Well I did worn (sorry about that I meant warn) you all about his typing/spelling.  I don’t think my companion thinks much of his advice on socialising, but you can’t please everyone.

John – Editor